Yes, He Has No BananasIssue: Spring 2004
What possessed Robert Mugabe to start wearing the wispy little Hitlerian mustache? Fortunately, he has the big saucer eyeglasses and the statesmanlike receding hairline to announce his grandfatherly intentions. We could send over the cast of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" to straighten him out, but unfortunately, the entire cast would be seized and imprisoned for ten years as soon as they set foot in Zimbabwe, under Mugabe's "worse than dogs or pigs" statutes. Mugabe used these laws to throw Zimbabwe's ex-president, Canaan Banana, into prison, claiming all gays contribute to the aids crisis (highest infection rate in the world; 20 percent of the Zimbabwean population; 2,000 dying each week). Besides having a name that sounds like someone who would march in the Gay Pride Parade, Mr. Banana had been caught in flagrante aardvarko, and so the dignity of the state was at risk.